Last week I had a strong desire to take my future seriously so I sat down with a legal pad and I began to write out a very detailed and very specific prayer for the mate I desire. A mate that God has designed just for me. I’ve always been a lover of love and this past weekend I attended the wedding of a church member and viewed several pictures of facebook and instagram friends who also got married or attended weddings the same weekend. This of course only made my desire to meet my future spouse stronger. I definitely don’t feel that I’m ready for marriage right now, but I do feel that I’m ready to meet the man who will change my life forever. As I’m writing this I’m thinking about the words in Jill Scott’s new song “Prepared” she speaks about how she’s preparing herself for the man that she will marry. She’s working on her cooking, on her life, her attitude, spending more time with people who love one another, etc.
This is a song that speaks to the inner most parts of me lately. I have listen to it almost daily since the first time I heard it. Pair that song with Chrisette Michelle’s “Golden” and I’m “drunk in love” LOL It’s like baby fever but marriage is the baby. I’m sure these emotions are invading my head space because I’ll be 30 next month and people are finally asking me the age-old question: “When are you going to get married and have kids?” I’ve always bragged about how I never have to have that awkward conversation with my parents and family, but it seems like now people are seeing something in me that I always knew was there but never really paid it any attention. They obviously think that I would make a good wife and mother and that’s all fine and good, but I don’t want it until I’m ready and God feels that I’m ready to handle all that comes with being a wife and mother. I don’t want to jump into something prematurely because the world around me thinks it’s time because I’m getting older.
I read a book by my former church member Fannie Pierce entitled Are You Sure You Are Ready To Be A Wife? She addresses just about EVERYTHING you can think of surrounding dating and marrying your spouse and being prepared before you walk down that aisle.
So what does a woman do when she desires to be married and have kids but goes years without ever being in a serious committed relationship with a man or meets clown after clown? What does a woman do when she feels like she’s not good enough to be a wife or mother? What does a woman do when she feels like her promiscuous past will prevent her from having a spouse and children?
These (among others) are all things that myself and other women have thought about at some point or another. As women the world around us dictates to us what a wife and mother should be. Even our own family tries to tell us what’s what on the matter. At the end of the day one thing matters and that’s your relationship with the Lord. We can’t receive the ultimate earthly goal of marriage and children until we get our heavenly goals accomplished. Matthew 6:33 lays it out plain for us. “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Now granted in this particular instance the scripture is referring to how Gentiles were concerned about food, shelter, and clothing (verse 31) but this text can still be used to relate to every area of life. If you read chapter 6 in its entirety you will see how Jesus commands us to be careful when helping the less fortunate, and praying to be seen by others. He even teaches us HOW to pray (verses 7-13). He teaches us how to fast properly, not to serve two god’s because it’s impossible and not worry ourselves with tomorrow. Matthew chapter 6 is almost a blueprint on how to live a righteous life that is pleasing to God (at least it is for me).
If you truly want to have the desires of your heart while on Earth then your top priority should be a firm foundation in your relationship with Jesus. Without this your wealth, status, relationships, success will only bring you limited happiness. In the Lord is fullness of joy. Joy is far greater than happiness. My pastor always tells us that in order to be happy something has to be happening. Joy is when your world around you is chaotic, but you can still stand strong, hold your head high and wear a smile on your face.
This Joy that I have….the world didn’t give it and the world can’t take it away.
I leave you with this…
- sit down and write out the desires of your heart. Ask the Lord to show you what you’re doing to prevent you from receiving the husband, kids, job, financial breakthrough, etc. that you’re desiring the most. (Hab 2:2)
- become desperate for a relationship with God.
- ask for forgiveness from any ill feelings, hurt, anger and/or resentment that you’re harboring against those who have hurt you in the past.
- pray for the removal of soul ties and any other baggage in your life. You don’t want to bring those things into your future marriage.
- Celebrate those around you who have who you wish to have. You can’t expect to receive blessings when you’re bitter that others receive them before you.
- be patient, learn yourself more, love yourself more, strengthen you! read books dealing with the things you want. educate yourself.
- sow where you want to grow. You want your own business then sow into other business owners. you want a marriage then sow into married couples. you want a child then sow into mothers. do these things in the right spirit tho. be genuine and not doing it to receive something in return.