I was searching for a good graphic to accompany this week’s blog and I stumbled on this pic and it described me perfectly (minus the nature lover part LOL). October is a very special month for me because it’s the month that birthed me. I’ve always been a person that takes birthdays serious. One of the greatest gifts God ever gave us was His son. The second greatest give He gave us was the gift of life.
I figured it was only fitting to start the my 30th birthday month off with a blog about myself. I wanted to really go deeper into why I started W.O.P and what my mission is. I have so many ideas and plans for this vision. I want to be transparent when it comes to the things I share in my personal life. I believe that there is a reason for all that I’ve experienced in my 20’s and although 95% of those things were due to me thinking it was better to live outside the will of God, He allowed me to experience it and spare my life on several occasions to prepare me for THIS time.
A Flawed A Work In Progress. I have belittled my female counterparts behind their backs. I have been the more negative, judgmental person in my group of friends. I have gone days, weeks, months, even years without praying to God. I have caused friendships to dissolve because of my foolish pride and inability to take blame for my actions. I have let my emotional walls push away men before relationships have a chance to have a solid foundation. I have loved a man too hard to realize that I was being used and causing myself more harm than good.
Courageous. I have been close to homeless (in my opinion) and still fought to get back on my feet on my own and not rely on my parents, family or friends to bail me out. I take pride in taking the low, hard road to take care of myself versus taking a handout and becoming complacent.
Unashamed. I was the 21-year-old woman who was looking at a sonogram of TRIPLETS and thinking the world was coming to an end. The same woman who swore all her life that abortion was wrong and would never do such a cruel thing, but when faced with the reality of becoming a single mother of 3 with a father who lived in another state six hours away and I was in and out of the hospital because I was too sick to carry on a normal day I made the best decision I knew how for my health and my life. I was ashamed and disgusted with myself for so many years and thought that I couldn’t forgive myself and that I was too low of a person to even ask God for forgiveness. I look back all these years later and realize it really was the right decision because the father of my children died the year our kids would’ve turned two. Know child should have to lose a parent that young. To see his son growing up now with only a couple of years of memories hurts my heart and I couldn’t see myself hurting more than this for my own kids. It wasn’t a decision I’m proud of making. I still wonder what path my life would be on had I saw it through. Would I have my degree now? Would I have the relationship with the Lord that I have now? So many questions…
Unapologetic. I don’t apologize for being me. I may have my shortcomings. I may have said and done some ugly things in my life, but I love me. I love the woman who I am ever evolving into. I am happy that I have faced storms head on and with the Lord by my side and I weathered each and every storm and come out stronger than before. I don’t apologize for being a little too real at the expense of the feelings of others. I don’t apologize for giving the raw truth over a sweet lie.
Strong. Confident. I’m a fighter. I may appear to the outside world as a weak person who is overly emotional at times, but behind closed doors I fight. I fight an internal battle that has tried to convince me to take my own life in my earlier 2o’s. I have fought against men and women friends, old boyfriends emotional and physically in the sense on a few occasions.
Kind-Hearted. I grown so much to the point that my heart (and sometimes my eyes) have literally cried out for people in both good and bad ways. I love to help others any chance that I can.
Loving. Loyal. Caring. At times I’m overly protective of my family and friends. When I love I love hard. Even those that are no longer in my life hold a special place in my heart and I wonder how they are and want nothing but the best for them even when they continue to sneak and do or say things to hurt me and this information gets back to me. I have to pray for forgiveness, forgive others and most importantly, forgive myself.
A Woman of God
A beautiful soul in the making
Fearfully & Wonderfully Made
I AM SHE & SHE IS ME…A woman of purpose Walking in her purpose. Becoming better with each passing day.
I’ll leave you with this: In everything thing that I’ve experienced; hurt, heartache, attempted suicide, loved ones lost, broken friendships, care wrecks that should’ve taken my life and more. I am still here. “I’m still standing. After all I’ve been through, I’ve survived. Every toil, every snare…I’m alive. I’M ALIVE! Here I am” -Marvin Sapp- Don’t think that you’re beyond repair. The only way to truly rise above all that life has thrown your way and will continue to throw your way to build a solid foundation in Christ. I don’t say this sound cliché. I say this because I’ve lived it and know what the difference is in living in and out of the will of God. Living outside His will is painful. It’s dangerous. It’s deadly. It’s stressful. It’s lonely. The devil can make it look so good at times, but he can only show you temporary material/worldly things. He can’t provide you peace of mind or joy unspeakable. He can only keep you living in smoke and mirrors viewing life through rose-tinted glasses. When you rely full on Jesus your life takes a turn for the better. You see things clearer. You gain new courage, strength, self-confidence, wisdom & peace in His presence.
I can’t truly be a #WomanOfPurpose and be the leader of this vision, mission and movement without getting on the level of the people that I will come into contact with. This post gives an unedited, raw, real look into my life. Of course it’s not a tell ALL but I think it shares enough of my personal journey to help you understand that I’ve been there, done that and survived it all because God saw something in me that has taken me a lifetime to even *begin* to see in myself. I’m not perfect nor will I ever be, but I intend on getting as close to the woman God created me to be as I can before I leave this Earth and I want to see as many women in heaven with me as possible.