When we’re little girls we are read story books with this happily ever after stories of a damsel in distress and her prince coming to her rescue and they ride off into the sunset happily ever after. We grow up wanting to be princesses and all the other things and the false narrative carries into adulthood in real life relationships.
We meet a guy and we get that puppy love, butterflies in the stomach feeling over him and we think “This is THE ONE!” then all those childhood fairytales start replaying in our minds. All the while the fairytale never went on to tell us how life was after the dramatic rescue of the princess. Just a fancy wedding and the end. Well I’m here to tell you that life is no fairytale my dear. Life will take you on a ride of ups and downs and twists and turns and you won’t be prepared. Love and matters of the heart only make it more complicated.
Now, I don’t say all this to say that love isn’t grand and that fairy tales don’t exist, because they can, but just know it will never be as picture perfect as the books were read or the movies we watched at little girls. There is real work involved in having a successful relationship and marriage. Work that won’t be as easy if God isn’t at the center of it.
After my last heartbreak I realized that I was valuing my Earthly happiness with man more than my relationship with God. I thought that I was balancing the two very well. I still served consistently and attended church in general consistently. I also gave my tithes the best that I could during that season. Then the fairytale feeling came crashing down without notice and those butterflies turned into knots of pain. But when they say beauty for ashes they mean it because that pain brought me so much closer to God. So many lessons were learned, so much growth has taken place in my spiritual walk, so much elevation has taken place in my personal, professional and spiritual life. New connections have been made, a new business has been birthed, new friendships, new layers removed off of my comfort zone. Just so much restoration and manifestation has taken place and in no way am I saying that my life has been unicorns and rainbows since the break-up or that I’m totally healed from the relationship. I even struggle from time to time with missing him, but as the old song says, “when I look back over my life and I think things over…I won’t complain.”
I have rambled through all that to say this; it’s never too late to start over fresh and take control of your life, your happiness, your success. God is ALWAYS going to be right there ready to catch you where you fall. He wants his children to be blessed, happy and free. Last Friday, my good friend Sarah did a recap of her takeaways from our relationships life group that evening. She made a very powerful statement, “Your Boaz is as close to you as you are to God” and that’s so rich and so true. I once told a church member that going forward with whoever my next relationship is with he has to literally go through God to get to me meaning I want to be so hidden in Him that if my next mate can’t get on one accord with God first He won’t make it to me. I don’t want to go through another failed relationship with a man. I want to be so grounded and healthy in my relationship with God that a failed relationship is not even an option. I will do things different this time and I will take that man and the relationship to God first before I commit any feelings or any valuable time. You have to get to a point where you not only want or think God is the head of your life, you have to make a serious commitment to sticking to that thought process and make a real lifestyle change. It won’t be until you show God just how serious you are that you want that man and family that you will get it. This goes for EVERY AREA of our lives. This is not a season to play around with God and serving His kingdom. Delight in your single season like God delights in you during this time. Take this time to cultivate your relationship with Him and learn everything you can about Him, his word, yourself and anything else. You have no reason to not get maximum growth right now. You’re not in COVENANT with any man so there are no real distractions. I can look back over my life and see how many years I’ve wasted on failed relationships because I went about it with feelings first and everything else 2nd. When the order is God first then everything else 2nd.