A Sinner’s Prayer 

What happens when you’re mad at God and all the people that were put in place to lead you?

What happens when you allow that anger to take the driver seat and steer you away from your prayer life?

How do you keep the faith when it feels like everyone and everything has failed and deserted you?

Not even 2 months ago THIS. WAS. ME.

As most of you may know, this time last year I experienced a heartbreak like no other. I didn’t know that there was pain to feel worse than some other things that I have experienced in my past. Then it happened and I was literally devastated beyond words. A void was left and it was so big I handle trouble wrapping my mind around it for several months. Even a year later I still find it a hard pill to swallow. I reached to spiritual leaders that I trusted the most and I got advice. I got prayer when I had trouble praying for myself. That 1-2 combo that life hit me with was what made me hunger for God more. I knew it was literally the only way I wouldn’t go off the deep end and say or do something crazy. I took that pain and turned it into purpose. I started a business venture as an It Works Distributor and I started focusing on my Women of Purpose branding and overall investing in ME! The 11 months prior were partially invested in me because I was wrapped up in love and became content and complacent with literally everything else: Family, finances, ministry and purpose.

This year has been one of many lessons and trials but it has also been the most rewarding. I have loved and lost but I have lost in order to gain. I spent this year developing me, learning me and just growing. It hasn’t all been easy and the road hasn’t been void of speed bumps, setbacks and back sliding but it was all necessary to my development and to make the #JourneyToPurpose that much more rewarding.

I’ve had my “human moment” and turned from God while still desiring him but flesh and emotions are one hell of a drug. I’m transparent enough to say that I felt like the “church” let me down, but thank God I’m wise enough to know when the enemy is at peak deception and I continued to serve and love with the right attitude and the right motives. I look back on those couple of months of selfishness and see that if it had not been for all the fire that was created from that break-up, I wouldn’t have handled those “human moments”  the way I did and that could have caused me to revert back to the old OLD me that I never wanna be again.

They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green and they never stop producing fruit.  Jeremiah 17:8 NLT

With all that I’ve been dealing with emotionally over the past couple months, it’s this verse that comes to mind as I reflect back. Had I not experienced the heartache from man I wouldn’t have drawn as close to God as quickly as I did because I was comfortable in my comfort zone. I would have continued to grow spiritually at a snail’s pace, but because of it all when the enemy tried to attack me when he hasn’t been able to I was able to stand firmly planted like a tree along a riverbank. My foundation is deeply rooted so storms can and WILL come but I won’t be moved, I won’t be shaken and most importantly; I won’t fall.

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve. Jeremiah 17:9-10 NLT

It is because the Lord knows my heart that even when I was angry with Him and I cried and prayed and confessed my anger that He still saw fit to keep me. He still saw fit to provide for me and increase my influence, my capacity and my finances. This year I was given what I thought was the job of my dreams for a company I tried working for for FOUR YEARS with not so much as a call for an interview. It was making the kind of money I desired to make and had all the right perk opportunities. Not even 6 months afterwards, with no warning or explanation, I was unexpectedly released from the company. That solid foundation kept me focused though. A week later I was scrolling Facebook and saw a friend post about a possible job and I inboxed him and he had me send my resume. Not knowing the company, the pay, or any real details I submitted my resume and was called in for an interview and offered the job the very next day. It is with one of the largest personal injury firms in the state. My base pay was a noticeable decrease from the previous job but I’m more financially stable than I’ve ever been and I know that is nothing but God. Only God can take a job where I’m making less money and allow me to have more money left over. A paycheck to paycheck lifestyle is no longer my way of life and that is a burden that I have been praying hard to have lifted. #GodsTimingIsSufficent

I’m at a great place mentally, emotionally, physicially, relationally, financially and most importantly; spiritually. 

I say all that to say this: Your circumstances cannot change the character of God so DON’T GIVE UP ON GOD BECAUSE HE WON’T GIVE UP ON YOU! 

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