Change is hard…it’s messy in the middle but beautiful in the end.
-Pastor Brittany McClure-
We’re officially in month 4 of 2018 and it feels like it’s time for a new year. For me personally, 2018 has been beyond rough. I came home on New Years day to find that my apartment was broken into and all of my major electronics were gone. I was devastated and felt like my sense of security was gone. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. I was an emotional wreck. In that very moment I felt like my entire world had crumbled around me. My mom was in the hospital and I had a major argument with my ex and I was just drained. I felt my faith leaving me and I didn’t know how to process and deal with so much happening all at once.
That was just the 1st 48 of 2018…WHEW!
Then my car began smoking on my way to work and I had no money to get it fixed if it was something major and I obviously need my car to go to work to make money. As I was sitting in Express to have it checked a total stranger overheard me on the phone calling in to work to let my boss know that I would be late and before he leaves out he hands me like $60 and tells me that he overheard me and hopes things get better. My car just overheated and they charged me about $50 for doing the diagnostic checks. I was thrilled but still drained. I honestly didn’t think anything else could possibly go wrong for me and there was still so much more 2018 to go.
Fast forward to week 2 of 2018…
Despite all that had already happened just to start the year I still managed to pull myself together enough to go to work daily and do my job and put on the face of a person whose life was spinning out of control. Then on January 12, before I left for work I received a call from a potential client and the call was trying from the jump. He was combative and I was already stressed and an easy target to be pulled into confrontation with him and I made a comment in the background of the call and although the mouthpiece wasn’t in front of me he still heard me and called back and complained after I got off. I came into work the next morning and I could feel that something was off and I tried to ignore it. Then I was called into the office to discuss the call and was suspended for the day pending the decision of what the next steps would be by the owner. I went home and a few hours later, I received a phone call that I was terminated and could come in the next day and collect my things. I was distraught!!! The job that I loved and provided me the finances that I needed to begin saving and planning to accomplish the goals I set for myself was stripped away from me. I felt that the enemy finally won. I had no more fight in me. I didn’t want to pray, I didn’t want to talk to anybody about it all. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. I didn’t want to hear a sermon, a kind work, a motivational speech….NOTHING!
Thankfully I serve a God that knows when to step in and take over when I’m too foolish to stay on track. I didn’t fall completely off. I knew to keep myself busy and to cut ties where necessary so that I wouldn’t fall all the way off and do long-term damage based off of temporary emotions. I still attended church and I still listened to any encouragement that was given to me. It’s very vital to surround yourself with the right people so when life comes at you fast they can help keep you anchored instead of encouraging you to make the wrong decisions. Prior to my termination, I reconnected with an old associate and we began to hang out and truly get to know each other outside of brief and rare occasions that we ran into each other. It has since blossomed into a beautiful friendship that was very much needed during what was trying to become a dark time in my life. I can never fully express how good God is, but I can always remember that He has never failed me. Even when I thought He forgot about me or that He took away something good, I was able to look back and understand why I experienced the trials and the victories and the lessons that I needed to learn from the good and the bad and it was all worth it. It has helped shaped me and mold me in ways I never thought. I am stronger, bolder, and more confident just from the things that I have SURVIVED in this year alone. It helped me get my fight back and light the fire back in my spiritual walk. I have began reading my word again and praying and journaling. I have gotten a new job and I was recently awarded the April MVP at church for my dedication, willingness to serve and commitment to the vision of the house.
I will leave you with this…
God hears you. He sees your tears. He knows your heart. He hears your cries. There will be times when you feel alone and in a dark place but He is there in the trenches with you. You won’t always fully understand why you’re experiencing such loss and pain but it all has a purpose and it will always be for your overall good and growth. We sometimes go through storms in order to provide a testimony so that someone else may be saved. It’s not always about us. Our breakthroughs are for us and to help others along their journey. So be bold about your faith and share your testimonies with others. You never know whose life you may save by your willingness and transparency.