What do you do when life comes at you fast? When everything you’ve endured and fought and prayed through begins to feel like it’s more than you can bare? What do you do when you begin to question your faith? What Do You Do?
This has been me the past week. Questioning any and everything under the sun including God and whether it’s even worth it to still believe. The devil is sneaky like that though. He literally plays on our weaknesses and storms of life in order to win against us. He’s been on me so hard that I began to wonder if I wanted my ex back…Chiiiiile
So let me give you a quick backstory…
A month ago I got a new job. It was something like the job of my dreams (well at least my desires) and couldn’t be happier and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Literally everything about the job was what I wanted. The pay, commute, job duties, work environment, management and so much more was all I ever wanted in my next job. I loved it! I was happy to go to work everyday. I worked all the OT that I could get my hands on. I praised and thanked God and testified to anyone who could listen about how God made this job opportunity happen for me and how it was everything I paid for and more. I was finally feeling like things were turning around for me and I could see an end to the storms and struggle. I even began to see prayers manifest in the lives of my family.
Then the unimaginable happened…
I got off work on that Friday and about an hour later I received a call from my recruiter telling me that she received an email from my job stating that it was my last day and that I no longer worked there. I WAS LITERALLY DEVASTATED!!!!! How could this happen to me? I was doing everything I was supposed to do. I was praying, I was reading my word, I was tithing, I was doing what I was supposed to on my job….everything I thought I was supposed to do. Everything that came natural to me to do. It all felt so right.
I instantly went into a funk. I disconnected from social media, told my mom that I was turning my phone off for the weekend and just pray and meditate. I didn’t know how to cope. All my counseling and all the sermons and reading and blogging and none of that meant anything to me in that moment. The flesh was taking over and I was letting it. I was so angry with God. I didn’t want to pray. I couldn’t pray. I was lost in a dark head space. I took about 3 days and then decided that I couldn’t stay in this low place any longer. I reached out to an old church member and asked her to consider being my mentor and she gladly accepted. We met and had girl time to catch up and also talk about my current attack. It was so refreshing and helpful.
Even when you’re mad and try to run and hide…God is still there. He is watching and moving on your behalf. He knows your heart. He knows that you’re hurt and that you want and need Him. He knows it all. Don’t sit in your human moment too long. FIGHT! Fight for your mental stability and emotional/spiritual healthiness. Read a book, take a trip, reach out to someone who will pray for you and give good, sound counsel. While i was sitting in my apt that weekend feeling down, I was watching Christian based movies. I even watched a movie about an atheist turned Christian. I searched through reading plans on my Bible app and found ones geared towards what I was feeling and began new devotionals and in the midst of doing that, I looked at a board that I have up in my living room and read “don’t isolate yourself because isolation is the devil’s playground” and there is no truer statement. While I was busy feeling ashamed and embarrassed that I was once again unemployed for the 2nd time in six months and not telling anyone that I was going through a battle alone the devil was busy attacking my mind and flooding it with all the thoughts that would impact me the most. It was in that moment when I began to question my healing from my last relationship that I knew that I had to fight. I had to pray. I had to get over myself. I had to let flesh die and allow God to manifest. So here I am, back blogging into my word and feeding my spirit with positive and not negative. Rebuking the thoughts the enemy was trying to root into my mind. Fighting in the spiritual first and the natural second. I watched the movie War Room about 3 times and it helped me to get my fight back.
I’ll leave you with this…These are some of the scriptures that I found and have been holding close to my heart so when I feel myself trying to draw back into my shell or the questions rise back up.
on my drive to Atlanta this week I decided to listen to some sermons from my fave, Sarah Jakes Roberts. Here are two of the sermons for you to listen to and get your spiritual “read” and get on your act right.