January 2020 came in with a vengeance. What was supposed to be a normal weekend visit to Atlanta to attend a special church service and visit my aunt ended up being a week long visit that involved her funeral. I’ve never watched someone die and I never thought I would especially not my aunt and not the way it all happened. While I’m grateful that I was able to be there for her and our family when we needed each other most, that doesn’t negate the pain that was felt. I have experienced some real low points and even lost people I loved deeply, but this one just hit so different.
My aunt lived an amazing life. In her 86 years she’s traveled the world, lost the love of her life, birthed four kids who yielded 6 gradnkids and 1 soon to be great grand. She has been responsible for teaching all of so many things about life. She and my mother were practically best friends. So when she died the loss hit her even harder than it did me. Ever since then I have had a real hard time processing and going back to life as usual. My faith has been drained. I think a lot of it has to do with having losses back to back.
You see December 2019 was my last month under the leadership of my Pastor and his wife. They have reloacted to Florida to join his pastor’s church and the news was unexpected and came with a new pastor and members that I never knew existed until the transition.
Navigating through these new realities hasn’t been easy. I have my days and for the most part my faith has suffered more than anything. I’m expericing what I call faith fatigue.
Faith Fatigue by my definition is when you have been hit with so much to the point that you don’t have it in you to pray, read your word, serve in ministry, operate in your spiritual gifts, etc.
Faith Fatigue will have you exhausted. It will leave you feeling empty and wandering through life in a haze. Without a strong foundation the enemy can come in and really take you completely off track and away from your faith. It’s been one of the hardest battles I’ve ever had to face. It has made me re-evaluate my friendships, relationships with family, how much I allow myself to tolerate as the expense of being the bigger person, etc.
Being a Christian (follower/lover of Christ) isn’t easy and nobody who takes that relationship seriously will tell you that it is. More and more you see on social media and all around you that people are straying away from the faith and turning to crystals, astrology and their own beliefs based off whatever is trending with their favorite celebs and influencers. I don’t judge those who feel that way because I believe we ALL need something to believe in and keep us sane and grounded and truth be told a lot of the practices have Christian undertones to it anyway but that’s another story for a nother day…back to Faith Fatigue.
The Bible says in Isaiah 40:29 (NLT) He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. It goes on to say in verse 31 that …those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. It is this promise that sustains you in your moments of Faith Fatigue because the time will come that you life will throw you a curve ball or two and you will shake but as long as your foundation is rooted in Christ you won’t fall. He will always be there beside you (to comfort you), behind you (to catch you) and in front of you (to light to way).
I will leave you with this: through it all I have had those that God intended for me to be connected to in the ring fighting with me to keep me from losing my mind. I have been writing a devotional, working on my online store, working my main job and my side hustle all while still serving in minstry and pushing through the pain. I encourage anyone who is reading this who may feel like they can’t go any further to let someone who you trust to know what you’re going through. Everyone needs at least one person they can be tranparent with and a journal for those times when they can’t open up. Remember #WomenOfPurpose is always available to be listening ear and encouraging word as well.
No matter how bad things may seem, GOD IS STILL SPEAKING!