Filtered

I woke up this morning and my soul was heavy & restless. I didn’t want to get outta bed. I walked into my home office and logged into work but between waking up and logging in I cried. I balled like a baby as I vented to God about some things.

But nobody knew that…

The 1st call came in and the caller asked how I was and I cheerfully answered, “I’m fine” but in reality I was having a broken day.

You see being the strong friend or the person who seems to have it all together was silently suffering and had to filter her pain through false smiles over the phone and carry on her day like normal.

That’s the thing about filters, they allow you to show yourself to others in the lens you think they need to see you in or how you want them to see you.

Filters are nothing but another word for masks. A way to hide all the less appealing parts of ourselves. Filters don’t show the heartache or mental brokenness. Filters hide internal and external scars.

Filters give us a false reality of ourselves to ourselves. We filter our hurt, pain, anger, resentment, frustrations, inadequacies and insecurities. We look at the filtered version of ourselves and we convince ourself that we’re fine and it’s just a moment when it’s something much deeper than that.

We need to see through the filter and own what’s really there below the surface and behind the smile.

Maybe you’re not at healed and whole as you thought. Maybe you do self sabotage. Maybe you do overreact. Maybe you do deserve to be alone. Maybe you don’t deserve that child. Maybe you don’t deserve that marriage.

These things may all be true but that doesn’t mean they’re true forever.

Don’t allow you now define and determine your future forever. There are numerous examples of God using the most non-qualified people to do extraordinary things to advance the kingdom. A few bad days here and there doesn’t stop God from being able to use you and it doesn’t disqualify you from living the life you desire and deserve.

So have your human moment and acknowledge those emotions. Process them in a healthy manner within your safe space. Take a step back and recharge, recenter and refocus. Get back up and keep P.U.S.H.ing (praying until something happens). Remember that your feelings are indicators not dictators.

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